thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
please come you make the beer taste better
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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