This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
