PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
