So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
