i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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