Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
