i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
