i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
