Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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