Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my being single is dangerous.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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