Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
