I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
