I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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