She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
