id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
