maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
