we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
