You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
