i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dick has a subreddit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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