I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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