On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
