I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
