I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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