thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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