8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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