I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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