I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
