Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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