69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
