Moan for me like Helen Keller
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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