i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
