This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
