well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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