You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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