i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
