I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you never un-have a 4some
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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