At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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