so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
