He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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