In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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