In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
