I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
