he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
