May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
