Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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