The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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