put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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