You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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