I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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