I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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