im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
