I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
