so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
