The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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